How To Deepen And Cultivate Friendships
A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Lets say that youve gone through Part 2, and you now would definitely call yourselves friends. How do you maintain this friendship, and how do you take it to a deeper place?
Maintaining the friendship is similar to the above section. Just keep in touch and do things together regularly. Pretty simple .
As for deepening a friendship, the key in my experience , is vulnerability.
This video from The School of Life sums up the concept nicely:
When people complain about shallow conversation, theyre usually getting at a deeper lack of vulnerability. Theyre getting at, as the video explains, people trying to seem impressive instead of revealing what theyre really like, how they really feel.
Vulnerability isnt easy. As Brené Brown puts in her TED talk The Power of Vulnerability:
in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.
This can be painful. And risky. But also tremendously rewarding. Have a look at this article for some practical ways to be more vulnerable.
Do Things You Love In Your City:
One of the best ways to make friends is to take part in activities you enjoy. That way, you can meet people with similar interests with whom you can continue the activity. You can leverage online websites to find events youre interested in, whether that be through social media or checking a gyms schedule of classes online, for example.
How To Go From Acquaintance To Friend
Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation.
So youve gone out to some of the places above, and youve met some people. Ideally, youve chosen a place where you can encounter some of the same people over and over in order to build rapport. Maybe youve even exchanged phone numbers or added each other on Facebook.
Now that you have these weak ties , how do you take the relationship to a deeper level? How do you go from acquaintance to friend?
The answer, it turns out, is simple. Not necessarily easy, but definitely simple. Whats the secret? One-on-one time.
Hanging out in a group is lots of fun, but it can be difficult to spend enough time talking with one person to really open up to each other and get beyond surface level conversation. The best way to go from acquaintance to friend is to spend quality time talking and/or doing an activity together.
To make this easier, I suggest that you focus on cultivating one or two relationships at a time. Going out and meeting lots of people is a good idea to keep your social skills honed and broaden your network, but when it comes to making friends its best to keep it small. Especially if youre more introverted and find social interactions draining.
Tip: Pick an activity where you can actually talk to each other. So eating a meal together is better than seeing a movie, for example.
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Craft Your Online Profile:
From choosing a username that gives an explanation of who you are to designing a profile, you want to make sure you give enough information that can draw new friends to you. This comes up most in the About Me section of profiles. Some things to include are: your hobbies, what youre looking to find on the app, and an inviting line that signals you are happy for people to reach out to you.
Birth Control Is Worth The Price
Hereâs a stat that might surprise you: Unmarried people in their 20s are less likely to use condoms than adolescents are. Theyâre also at greater risk for exposure to sexually transmitted infections, which makes sense in light of the condom use stat. Avoid making a common mistake and pick up a pack of Trojans on your next trip to the drugstore or visit to the doctor. Condoms may no longer be cheap or free at the campus health center, but birth control isnât an area to scrimp and save. Whatever the price, itâs a lot lower than the cost of a baby or treatment for an STI.
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Go To As Many Frosh Week / Freshers’ Week / O
The name is different depending on where you live, but the idea is the same. It’s that first orientation/initiation/partying week for the incoming freshmen before classes start. There are lots of other students from your faculty to meet, so go to as many events as you can. Over the week you’ll also start to see the same people at different activities, giving you more of a chance to get to know them.
The events are mostly run and organized by older students. Not all of these guides will be helpful, but some of them will go out of their way to make sure everyone feels comfortable and included. If you’re at these events and feel a bit awkward about talking to the other students, you may find it a bit easier to chat to the guides. You can do that to get yourself in a more talkative mood, then try talking to your classmates.
The week can seem a bit overwhelming and rowdy and partying-focused. This is one situation where I’d advise people to go anyway, push their comfort zones, and try to make the best of it. It’s an experience you’ll only get to do once, and there are a lot of benefits to going. Not all of the events are pub crawls either. Universities realize not every student drinks, or is legally allowed to drink, and will try to accommodate them with non-partying activities.
Connect On Online College Groups
Many colleges have Facebook groups and other mediums in which students can connect with classmates in their year before they enter the University. If you have not had a chance to do so, post a thread about some common interests. Some examples of these may be:
I love theater. Do we have any other fellow theater nerds? If so, comment below! Id love to connect with yall on a Zoom call.
Who here also plays tennis? If you want to socially distance and play on the campus tennis courts during non-practice hours, let me know!
Are there any Christians in this class. If so, who would be interested in starting a Zoom Bible study?
Make sure to read through previously posted threads to ensure you dont have any overlap. Nothing can turn someone away from a page faster than too many notifications.
Find ways to connect with those who have similar interests, but make sure to also respect social distancing or if they dont feel comfortable meeting in person . Social media has served as a blessing in many ways during this pandemic. It has allowed us to connect with old friends and those whom we have yet to meet. Use it well.
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Bonus Round: Common Questions And Miscellaneous Tips
Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.
Before we wrap up, I want to address a couple common questions students have about friendship, as well as include some miscellaneous advice that didnt fit elsewhere in the article.
1. How do I stay in touch with my friends from high school when Im in college?
This is a tricky one, and it depends on your circumstances. If you go to college in the town where most of your high school friends still live, its just a matter of meeting regularly.
If, however, you and your friends are scattered all across the country at different colleges, as it was for me, then you have to be more deliberate. My high school friends and I have always made a point of getting together during breaks to go to trivia, have parties, and even take summer road trips. And, of course, text, call, and FaceTime regularly.
That being said, you should also expect that youll drift apart from some of your high school friends. People change a lot after high school. The gap between life stages widens, or is at least more visible than it was before college. This can be uncomfortable, but its bound to happen.
2. None of my friends ever want to do anything. What should I do?
This ones simple: Become the organizer. Take an active role in planning things for all of you to do. It took me far too much of college to realize the power of this approach.
3. Advice: Branch out from your initial friend group
Look Into Themed Dorms On Campus
Sometimes colleges and universities offer themed dorms. Schools create these spaces so students can live together based on common interests.
If you’re nervous about moving into a dorm for the first time or if you’re naturally shy then this could be a great way for you to connect with like-minded individuals. Themed dorms are also a good way to meet and live with people who are passionate about a cause you care about.
Some examples of themed dorms include the following:
- Women in STEM
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Get Involved In A Local Church Or Christian Campus Group
Scripture encourages us not to give up meeting with fellow believers , but this opens up different possibilities during the time of COVID-19.
Not to mention not all churches have opened to limited congregations, often with people wearing masks.
Nevertheless, Christian evangelism does often find a way on and off campuses in one way or another. Try to find a community of fellow believers to connect with at your college, or a local church to plug into.
This may take a great deal of trial and error. The churches open in your area may not be what youre used to, or you may not connect with the people right away on campus. Dont worry if you have to plug into a few groups before you find the right fit.
As for my friends who wish to remain virtual, many churches do offer virtual services. Try to connect with the pastor and ask ways you can get involved online. Many college groups hold Zoom meetings.
Many college ministries also have virtual options to meet with fellow believers in an online format. Explore those available to you, and once again, dont worry if you have to test out a handful before you find one in which you click.
How To Track Down A Long
Where do you begin to look for someone you havent seen in 10, 20, maybe 50 years? Where do you start when all you have is a name and a face in a high school yearbook and no mutual friends?
I sat next to a boy freshman year. It was 1960. He shared his candy with me. He drew comic strips that made me laugh. We were good friends. And then we graduated and 50 years went by. A few months ago, someone told me he had died. I didnt want to believe it.
So I decided to see for myself. Three days into my search for him, I was still at square one. I couldnt find an obituary. I couldnt find a news story. I called our high school and they knew nothing. I Googled, but everything was a dead end. I called every phone number I found that might have a connection to him. All had been disconnected.
Then, bingo, one wasnt. It was a South Carolina number. It was listed as belonging to a nephew, but a woman answered. It was one of Jacks sisters. And she said he was alive and well.
I was this close to giving up. Id been in a maze. But a maze has a way out and I found it. Jacks had a good life. Hes happy.
Its simple enough to find someone, anyone, though it can be time consuming and very, very frustrating. But if you dont give up and you just keep digging, its possible to discover what happened to the sweet boy or girl who was your friend a lifetime ago.
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Frequently Asked Questions About How To Find A College Roommate
That depends on the college you attend. Many colleges allow students to choose their own roommates or request roommates however, some colleges and universities still assign roommates to first-year students. That said, if you end up with a completely incompatible roommate, you may be able to request a switch.
Give other students a sense of who you are as a person and a roommate. Include the basics: your name, your age, your college major, and where you’re from. Then add insight into your personality, such as your hobbies, interests, sports team allegiances, and favorite books and movies. Finally, add details about your living habits clean or messy, social or introverted, etc. and what you’re looking for in a roommate. Be honest to improve your chances of finding a good match.
You should start looking for a college roommate the summer before the school year begins, although you can begin your search as soon as you’re accepted into college. Avoid leaving it until the last minute. If you wait until the week before the semester starts, you might struggle to find a good match.
If you can find a friend to be your roommate, or if a trusted friend can vouch for a potential roommate, then that’s a great place to start. If you discover a potential roommate online, use caution and common sense. Try to meet that person first through a video call or face to face in a busy place.
Joining Activities And Groups
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Cultural Events Can Turn Into Meat Markets
You know how I just said you should pursue enjoyable hobbies as a way to meet potential mates? Do it, but know that lots of other people are probably doing the same thing. This Menâs Health article tells guys to join volunteer organizations to meet women this Ladies Home Journal piece tells women to find men at blood drives. So donât be surprised if you get hit on multiple times while youâre trying to do a good deed by cleaning up your local park.
Caring Is Not A Sign Of Immaturity
Some relationship experts say growing up means quitting the dating games, and itâs certainly worth trying. But the reason youâre waiting exactly 3.1 hours to return his or her call is probably because you like that person, and you donât want to get hurt. So donât berate yourself for wondering if that emoticon means he or she likes you. Those games might seem childish or college-esque, but they’re actually just human.
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What To Look For In Your Colleges
Finding your college match boils down to one question: does this college have what youre looking for?
As you can imagine, there are a lot of factors to consider when researching colleges. And every student’s needs and wants will be different. However, the categories below apply to just about everyone. Theyre extensive, but this is how you find best college match for you and make the most informed college choice possible.
Also remember: when the college match is clearly right on your end, the admission committee may be better able to see you as their kind of student tooand they may be more likely to admit you. And perhaps offer a more competitive financial aid package.
Here are the general college search criteria categories :
- Academics and majors
- Career services and other support
- Public or private?
Finding Contacts Using Linkedin
LinkedIn is the most popular website for professional networking. The site offers several ways for you to find contacts at a company.
First, search your LinkedIn Connections to see who you know at a company. There are many ways to do this. You can search for a company name in the search bar at the top left corner of the screen. Then, click on the People tab at the top of the screen. This will show you any of your connections that work, or have worked, at that company.
Another option after your search for a company name is to click on the Companies tab at the top of the screen. Then, you can click on the companys LinkedIn page, which will list any connections you have at the company.
You will be able to see people who are first-degree connections, meaning you are connected with them, as well as second-degree connections, meaning they are connected to someone you know. You can also see third-degree connections and connections beyond that.
Also, search the Groups Directory by keyword. Many companies and groups of companies have Groups you can join. Once you’re a member you will be able to interact with the other group members. This is a good way to connect with people at multiple companies within your industry.
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